Have you ever felt so overwhelmed by everything that needed to be done to a point where you were paralyzed to act on any of it? I have been there. When our brain is overwhelmed, it shuts down and stops doing what it is supposed to do--find solutions.
You have a project that needs to be completed, your to-do-list is four pages long, you feel like you are stuck in your career, you feel like you are failing at being a good parent, a good son or daughter, a good spouse, a good friend, a good student, or even a good employee. You look around and everyone seems to have it together. You panic.
This is an uncomfortable place to be. Your creativity is stifled by the anxiety. You do not like how you feel. You are experiencing panic, fear, sadness, and overwhelming feelings of hopelessness. You feel like a failure. You have a million questions going through your head. Will things ever get better? Do I have what it takes? Will I ever be happy again? Why me? Why now? A good nights sleep becomes all but a dream. Your loved ones suffer. Their presence that was once filing you with joy is all of a sudden annoying. You no longer enjoy the things that you used to enjoy.
Your brain gets to a point where it can no longer handle the anxiety. Your feelings become too painful. In an effort to numb your racing thoughts and feelings, you find yourself using distractions. You eat when you feel sad, you drink to numb your feelings, you spend hour at a time scrolling down social media or beingeing on Netflix, you are angry with everyone. You are deflecting your anger and disappointment with yourself to those around you. They are paying the cost.
There is hope!
What can you do?
1. Hit the pause button and reevaluate. Clear your mind of every distraction and make a decision to critically evaluate your life. Do this from your calm place. For some this might be a park, a beach, your backyard, a restaurant, a library, a church, whatever your calm place might be. This is important because you brain works best when its calm.
2. Take a pen and paper and list all the areas in your life where you feel you have failed or are stuck? Is it being a good spouse, your career, raising children, a past hurt, making the same mistakes over and over? What are my top disappointments in life?
3. Next list what is going well. Sometimes when we are overwhelmed, we fail to stop and see what is going on well. Do you have a loving family? Are you able to pay your bills? Are you in good health? Do you have people that love you? What is going on well? List big and little things and be thankful.
4. List all the mistakes or choices that you have made that have led you where you are. Have you wasted time by doing things that do not add value to your life? Do you spend too much time on social media trying to impress people who do not even know you? Have you mismanaged your money? Are you surrounding yourself with the wrong people? How have you fallen short as a spouse, a parent, a son or daughter? Have you abused your own body by using drugs or using food to cope? Be completely honest with yourself.
5. Forgive yourself. Show yourself some self-compassion. With Self-compassion, we give ourselves the same kindness and care we'd give to a good friend. Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings – after all, who ever said you were supposed to be perfect?
6. Look at the list you came up with. Make a decision as to whether you need to let some things go. Are there some issues that should no longer take space in your brain and not worth your energy? Let these go. Brain storm solutions on the issues that do need to be addressed. Write down exactly how you will correct past mistakes or make adjustments so your life starts to move in the right direction. Brain storm solutions to your list on step 4.
6. Make a timeline on how to implement the solutions. Be very specific on when, what, and how. Share with someone you trust for accountability.
7. Reach out for help. Seeking help is not a weakness. If you are feeling stuck and would like an outside perspective on your blind spots, get help. Talk to a friend or reach out for professional help.
8. Live in accordance to your values. Suffering happens when the way we are living does not align with our core values. Are you living in accordance to your core values? Readjust if necessary.
9. Celebrate. Each week, set a time to review and celebrate your accomplishments. You have to celebrate you. If something has not worked, re-evaluate and readjust your strategy.
10. Finally, make time to enjoy those around you. Sometimes we save the worst of us for our loved ones and yet we put our best self forward when we are around colleagues at work or friends. Your family is more important.
11. Make face-time a priority. Phone calls, social media, and texting are great ways to stay in touch, but they don’t replace good old-fashioned in-person quality time.
If you are putting your best foot forward every day, anxiety will decrease. You will be at peace knowing that life is a journey, not a destination. People who accomplish great things are able to override their fears, make one small positive step each day, and are not afraid to seek help.
Be kind to yourself. Health and happiness is more precious than gold. Nothing is worth stressing about to the point of losing your health. Enjoy your today because tomorrow has not promised for any of us. God has a great plan for your life. Choose to enjoy the ride!
By Damaris Karanja, MA, MEd, LPC, RDN, a licensed Mental Health Professional Counselor and Registered Dietitian at Healing Streams Counseling.